Tag Archives: Love

When the Sea was Calm

When the sea was calm
I was restless
awaiting the flip
of a mermaid’s tail

And when it did not
come into view
I closed my eyes and
floated for a few

Then the swish of the
shimmering propeller came
and I welcomed it joyfully
and she the same

The sea swirled around us
and we became a team
swimming underneath
the stars and sun
Our movements synchronized
our thoughts one

And the swirls continued
and the restlessness passed
nagging loneliness
lifted at last

Her gleaming essence
my solace in waters of blue-green
her songs always calling to me
Her fondness growing as well
as she inhaled breaths
of my starry air

Then swirls became waves
and waves became storms
we held tight to each other
never washing upon the shore

But there was nowhere to dock
nowhere to keep moored

Our cadence continues
on the high seas
her fins never tire
my feet never sleep

We sometimes dream
when all was composed
when restlessness
was all we owned

But the truth among
the swish and the stars
is that our sea
was never really calm.

blonde-mermaid

Photo courtesy of http://sapphiresirendreams.com/mermaid-lore/

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Not Just Grey Matter

We’re sun-kissed and
exposed
not just grey matter
Hopeless romantics and dreamers
Keepers of secrets
collectors of quartz and jasper

We listen to guitar and synth
and violin

Take out the garbage
bring some in

On this plane we have evolved
no more screaming in the driveway
all is calm

No we are not just grey matter
We are of the same blood
forever connected
unremittingly.

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I Feel Strongly About Saturn

I’ve always been a proponent of vacations. Every vacation I ever took left me with a newfound sense of zen, an inspiration to tweak things in my life, and an altered way of looking at my surroundings.

I just got back from a three week road trip (tour de South) with the boy, who is twelve years old- that splendid minute between childhood and adolescence. He still sleeps with his stuffed animal Snuggles yet he forgot I existed once on our trip when a fellow 21 Pilots fan with long dark hair and a braided choker necklace entered his world.

Besides my glorious trips overseas in my teens and twenties I have not been away from home for this length of time. I can be a cave-dweller. When not at work or grocery shopping at Walmart I stick to my minute radius, often ignoring the slight nag to interact with humanity on a physical level.

Vacations pluck you out of your comfort zone, plop you into the unknown, and enlighten your sense of self. I learned I can keep up with preteens on a floating obstacle course (although I could barely lift my arms the next day). I realized I am pretty good at being a chameleon when it comes to cohabitating with various families and groups of people (although I had to slink away at small intervals to get away from the tiresome chatter I’d rather replace with a good book or staring at the tops of the trees).

I urinated in several outdoor locations without soaking my feet. I got lost in the banjo-echoed boonies without becoming completely inconsolable. I drove through thunderstorms and along winding mountain roads and alongside Live Oaks draped in Spanish moss.

I sang aloud to Boz Scaggs and Jimmy Hendrix and Weezer. I sipped coffee with my brother. I read fairy tales to my nephew. I poured my grandmother a glass of milk. I floated down rivers with friends I hope I have forever.

And all this with my son.

When we pulled into our driveway I was a bit dejected. Reality. Chores. Bills. Work. Homework. But if I can tackle these things with the zen I felt on the mountain, the freedom I felt on the open road, the happiness I felt surrounded by friends and family, then maybe these mundane tasks won’t be so stressful.

“I feel strongly about Saturn” was written in marker on a wooden bed in a cabin in the north Florida woods. It made me think of all the travelers who came there before me. And the dreams of stellar travels to come.

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Filed under Observations

Time, exxasperated

To the brink of tears over this devilish concept time
yet it is as concrete as mathematical equations
(perhaps a parallel universe where time actually does stand still exists)

Live in the moment we say to our ADD brains
and sometimes we do
These days it does not compute

The clock is spinning and there is a lump in my throat,
heaviness in my heart
from all these sunrises and sunsets seemingly happening within seconds of each other

And I am not getting younger
and neither are you

I don’t like it like this

I need space and freedom and time
time to just sit with you
and watch the tops of the trees
time to breathe
to just be.

clocks

image courtesy of pretzellogic.org

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My Keanu Reeves Dream

For years I’ve had a recurring dream starring Keanu Reeves.

In the dream I am trying to get to him, trying to get his attention. We are usually surrounded by people at some event. They crowd around him like a Kool blockade I can’t quite permeate.

Who are these seemingly so important people keeping him engaged in their uppity conversation when all I want to do is have him glance in my direction so he can be lured by my humble eyes and kind smile?

I wake up feeling failed and lost. Once again, he doesn’t come to me. Doesn’t even look my way. There are no engaging exchange of words between us. No hand on shoulder. No walking off into the sunset.

Until last night. And the one a few months ago.

He finally looked away from his entourage long enough to see me among the bloodsuckers. He smiled at me. We danced like goofy kids underneath a string of glowing white party lights.

Last night we actually talked. We laughed like old friends catching up after too many years apart. And we embraced just the same.

I woke up with a happy, peaceful smile underneath the crisp bed sheets.

Dreams are the brain’s way of disecting our waking problems, make sense of them and problem solve. Although sometimes in their wake we are left feeling more confused.

Maybe Keanu represents my self-confidence. And now I am finally gaining ownership of it. Maybe he represents my fears and how I’ve begun to face and live with/overcome many of them. Or maybe Keanu just represents himself because I’ve had a celebrity crush on him since 1988.

Either way it was so refreshing to wake up feeling the happy ending to a too-long unresolved story. And being hugged by Keanu Reeves was pretty freakin excellent.

Reeves, Keanu

Keanu Reeves Hollywood 12/2000 By Armando Gallo

 

Do you have any recurring dreams? What are your interpretations? I’d love to hear your story…

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Filed under Weird Dreams

In the Quiet of the Evening

In the quiet
the quiet of the solitary evening
my ears are laid to rest

I do not have the usual music playing
to remind me
to excite
to awaken
to inspire me

Instead there is stillness
a slight hum from the motherboard
a distant helicopter buzzing east

I cup my left ear to hear the sounds in the proposed silence
and they are magnified
almost sound as if a hundred crickets are singing me to sleep

This absence of noise is welcome
my ears need a break
my mind needs space
my heart needs to feel, ache, mend, hope.

 

 

 

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Filed under Sunday Night Sonnet

Quiet Symphony of Spring

The loquat buds are ready to greet their buzzing partners
and the crows have taken over the birdsong symphony

A sheath of grey pink cloud hovers over the bright white sunrise
Remnants from last night’s rush of spring rain fall from the branches like tears down a round cheek

A scattering of soaked leaves plastered to the ground

The lounge chair moved to view a sunset days ago

For a moment time holds still
No work to bind
no nagging unfolded
frustration at bay

A bud of hope in this heart
that I may again relish the sunset with you
and awake in your embrace
on the crest of a slow-moving sunrise.

 

I wrote this a month ago. But it seems silly to leave it in my drafts section. I hope you enjoy and take/feel something from it. How do you feel this spring?

 

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Get the Balance Right

Is it possible to ever get the balance right? Things are off-kilter, ignored, put off, unattainable at the moment, time the ever opponent. My perfectionist personality does not help. Failure is no longer an option and neither is guilt or self-deprecation. It is what it is. And I’m sorry to those of you I have not connected with lately.

Eighteen hours a day working, sleeping, prepping for the two. Which leaves six for chores, errands, food prep, quality time with little Boo, exercise, meditation/prayer/gratitude, and personal hygiene/beauty. So what has fallen by the wayside? Writing. Creating. Connecting with friends and family. Shaving.

And I’m a horrible phone person. I rarely pick up the phone. I have been reprimanded about this at various times. I don’t love the phone. I can’t read the lips of the person speaking on the other line. Can’t see their body language. Hell sometimes can’t hear what they are saying. And because of the demands of life I am a multi-tasker (like so many of us these days). It is easier to have conversations via text with several people at the same time while doing the laundry, dishes, hitting the can. But yes I am fully aware that an uninterrupted phone conversation is important. And I am calling my mom as soon as I finish this.

I made time to catch the sunset on the beach twice this week. It had been too long. Today I am writing. Tomorrow I will catch up with an old friend.

When little Boo was a baby I knew that phase of our lives would be fleeting. There were days that were long and filled with crying and poop, but in between those moments were the giggles and cuddles and chubby legs learning to walk. Now that baby is almost as tall as me and it happened in the swish of a horse’s tail.

I am forever grateful that I am able to see him daily as I assistant teach in his classroom. This will be a year looked upon with great pride and nostalgia when he is out of my daily sights and starting his own career and path in life.

So when I think about all the things I can’t seem to find the time or energy to accomplish I need to cut myself a freaking break. We do what we can.

I was alone when I viewed this spectacular sunset. Now let’s watch it together : )

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Taken with iPhone 5, west coast FL, no editing.

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under A Writer's Mind

Love Does That

Love does that

It waits in the bushes, the forest, the manor, the hallway when you least expect it. 

It comes at you with piercing eyes

And wanton looks and breathlessness

And a spark of hope

And fullness in your chest

And tingling in your nether regions

A blossoming flower ready to unfold and provide nectar for the searching bee

It takes hold of you and reminds you there is nothing else more powerful or intoxicating in this world

It ravishes 

Ravages

Encapsulates 

Fulfills

Exasperates

Then when the daylight comes round again

Leaves you caressing every grass blade, branch, feather

Hoping to recreate at least one moment of it

And that is when you are trapped

Bound

Encased

Obsessed

Found

By love

Even when at last there is silence

And comfortable loneliness

It wouldn’t take but one moment of this

And there you are again

Because this is what your heart wants, needs, searches for 

Even when it is not searching. 

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Gratitude Unbounded

 

A swollen heart
full of everything
the universe has brought

I give gratitude by the lake
by the sea
under the full harvest moon

I give gratitude unbounded
today

Immense thankfulness for

The late autumn wind
tickling worn tree branches
Glistening sunlight
highlighting the hibiscus

Ocean swells
and the pleasure it brings
to my ears
as does the morning birdsong
A delightful symphony

The comfort of a safe haven
The calm serenity of inner peace
Hands for work and art
Movement to travel and see

Forgiveness
Health
Self love and acceptance
Love within and without
Courage
Happiness
A good steward for the universe

And you

I am thankful for you
each one of you

In the way you have touched
my soul
In the way you were brought
into this world
In the way I will carry you
in my heart
forever.

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