In the Quiet of the Evening

In the quiet
the quiet of the solitary evening
my ears are laid to rest

I do not have the usual music playing
to remind me
to excite
to awaken
to inspire me

Instead there is stillness
a slight hum from the motherboard
a distant helicopter buzzing east

I cup my left ear to hear the sounds in the proposed silence
and they are magnified
almost sound as if a hundred crickets are singing me to sleep

This absence of noise is welcome
my ears need a break
my mind needs space
my heart needs to feel, ache, mend, hope.

 

 

 

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Quiet Symphony of Spring

The loquat buds are ready to greet their buzzing partners
and the crows have taken over the birdsong symphony

A sheath of grey pink cloud hovers over the bright white sunrise
Remnants from last night’s rush of spring rain fall from the branches like tears down a round cheek

A scattering of soaked leaves plastered to the ground

The lounge chair moved to view a sunset days ago

For a moment time holds still
No work to bind
no nagging unfolded
frustration at bay

A bud of hope in this heart
that I may again relish the sunset with you
and awake in your embrace
on the crest of a slow-moving sunrise.

 

I wrote this a month ago. But it seems silly to leave it in my drafts section. I hope you enjoy and take/feel something from it. How do you feel this spring?

 

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The Dark Chasms

I have walked away from the dark chasms
have left them behind
I kick them away from my mind
when their dark entrance beckons me to enter
I cannot hesitate for a moment
there is no place for me there
These shadows of misery
are just beyond the green grasses
like a hideous painting
hanging above the kitchen table
Like the whispers of voices from inside
that are not your own
Tear-soaked pillows, shattered porcelain
and torn photographs strewn about its
cavernous corners
Every day unvisited
a growth of heavy underbrush overtakes
the jutted opening
A sign from the Light
The slow decay of the dark.

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Fearless

When the blank screen stares back at you poker-faced, Daily Prompt to the rescue…

Fearless.

I won’t say I am completely fearless or fearful. Although there was a time when I was so fearful to get out in the world I had to psyche myself up just to go into the grocery store.

I felt I would pass out or embarrassingly yell out random explicatives under the blinding fluorescent lighting and rows and rows of strangers and stacked food products.

When I was younger I was afraid to swim in murky water, be it lakes or oceans. All I could think of were the snakes and sharks and piranha that might be gliding by, waiting to pierce the flesh of my feet.

And I have never quite gotten over my fear of diving. The time in the Mediterranean sea when I lost my bikini top pretty much robbed me of ever going head first into water.

Flying was a real chore for a number of years. And public speaking? I’d rather slice my toe and pour hot sauce all over it.

So I guess you’d say I have a number of fears lurking underneath. Most I have either conquered or learned to deal with.

Two weeks ago I went to Busch Gardens, a zoo/theme park which boasts some of the most thrilling coasters in the country. I hadn’t been on one in years. Back in my teens and twenties I rode any state fair ride that rolled off the highway. As the years went by my equilibrium and necessity for survival kept me from enjoying them anymore.

With a little liquid encouragement and the desire to make memories impress my now thrill-seeking little boo, I went on some of the craziest rides ever. I screamed like a little girl being chased by swarms of wasps.

I loved it.

There’s one that rises 335 feet, rotates and dangles you facing the ground below, then drops. I rode that one twice.

I never want to live in fear. Fear is paralyzing. Fear disables meaningful life experiences and the rush that comes with it.

Of course we don’t want to be stupid. I wear my seatbelt. I floss. I look both ways before crossing the street.

But swimming in the ocean, flying to see a close relative, watching my almost 12-year-old look at me with happiness and pride– those are things I will not let fear steal from me.

What are your fears? Do you have some you have painstakingly overcome? I’d love to hear your story…

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/fearless/

falconsfury

 Photo courtesy of YouTube.com

 

 

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Get the Balance Right

Is it possible to ever get the balance right? Things are off-kilter, ignored, put off, unattainable at the moment, time the ever opponent. My perfectionist personality does not help. Failure is no longer an option and neither is guilt or self-deprecation. It is what it is. And I’m sorry to those of you I have not connected with lately.

Eighteen hours a day working, sleeping, prepping for the two. Which leaves six for chores, errands, food prep, quality time with little Boo, exercise, meditation/prayer/gratitude, and personal hygiene/beauty. So what has fallen by the wayside? Writing. Creating. Connecting with friends and family. Shaving.

And I’m a horrible phone person. I rarely pick up the phone. I have been reprimanded about this at various times. I don’t love the phone. I can’t read the lips of the person speaking on the other line. Can’t see their body language. Hell sometimes can’t hear what they are saying. And because of the demands of life I am a multi-tasker (like so many of us these days). It is easier to have conversations via text with several people at the same time while doing the laundry, dishes, hitting the can. But yes I am fully aware that an uninterrupted phone conversation is important. And I am calling my mom as soon as I finish this.

I made time to catch the sunset on the beach twice this week. It had been too long. Today I am writing. Tomorrow I will catch up with an old friend.

When little Boo was a baby I knew that phase of our lives would be fleeting. There were days that were long and filled with crying and poop, but in between those moments were the giggles and cuddles and chubby legs learning to walk. Now that baby is almost as tall as me and it happened in the swish of a horse’s tail.

I am forever grateful that I am able to see him daily as I assistant teach in his classroom. This will be a year looked upon with great pride and nostalgia when he is out of my daily sights and starting his own career and path in life.

So when I think about all the things I can’t seem to find the time or energy to accomplish I need to cut myself a freaking break. We do what we can.

I was alone when I viewed this spectacular sunset. Now let’s watch it together : )

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Taken with iPhone 5, west coast FL, no editing.

 

 

 

 

 

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What the Train Conductor Say

I pump the pedals of my bicycle
along the paved trail
where once were train tracks

Sunshine gleaming through trees
and the wind at my neck

I have spent miles and miles here
But today I hear those locomotive engines
and the words from the train conductor
at the helm of his mighty craft:

“Sometimes it get lonely out here
so I seek the solace of my position.
For I am not really alone.

I see the backs of these shops and houses
I see the side that is hidden away from view.
I get a glimpse of the back door, the fruit trees
ready to bear their tropical seeds, mothers and daughters
hanging clothes on the line to dry in the sunshine.

I see men tending to gardens
and boys playing chase.

When they hear the horn in the distance
sometimes they crawl outta their sheds.
Some of them pay no mind.
Some of them wave and smile and go on about their business.

But some of them got no smile on their face.
They want to jump right on the train
and go far far away.
Those are the ones that show me their soul.
And all I can do is leave a billow of coal smoke
to remind them of hope.”

And that is what the train conductor say.

I pedal and pedal
along these old tracks
feeling the cool wind
and the heat of yesterday

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Photo courtesy of me: JeniferBPhotography

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Love Does That

Love does that

It waits in the bushes, the forest, the manor, the hallway when you least expect it. 

It comes at you with piercing eyes

And wanton looks and breathlessness

And a spark of hope

And fullness in your chest

And tingling in your nether regions

A blossoming flower ready to unfold and provide nectar for the searching bee

It takes hold of you and reminds you there is nothing else more powerful or intoxicating in this world

It ravishes 

Ravages

Encapsulates 

Fulfills

Exasperates

Then when the daylight comes round again

Leaves you caressing every grass blade, branch, feather

Hoping to recreate at least one moment of it

And that is when you are trapped

Bound

Encased

Obsessed

Found

By love

Even when at last there is silence

And comfortable loneliness

It wouldn’t take but one moment of this

And there you are again

Because this is what your heart wants, needs, searches for 

Even when it is not searching. 

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Spinning Dresses and New Year Kisses

I rang in the New Year just the way I’d hoped. Surrounded by good friends, good people, and the absence of lemon drop shots.

It’s been a good time off from work. The whole holiday break has been fulfilling (except for the head lice situation nightmare which I may write about when I can just laugh about it).

I have spent quality time with people I have managed to neglect during my nine-hour workdays and various other mom, household, and health/hygiene duties.

I hope the neglected understand.

For this holiday I will remember–

The spicy, fresh smell of a health food store while walking side by side down the aisles with my mom on a mother-daughter date.

Reading incredibly sick yet nostalgic nursery rhymes to my nephew while his little hand rested on mine. “He put her in a pumpkin shell and there he kept her very well…

The relaxing and grateful feeling of my sister-in-law, and then my mother, and then my new dear friend combing through my hair to remove nits.

Witnessing my Little Boo exercise good table manners (placing his phone down without being asked and engaging in friendly dinner conversation); quiet chunks of time playing board games with him; a spontaneous Face Time call while he explored his aunt and uncle’s lakeside backyard in the cold Tennessee wind.

The quirky and adorable story my neighbor recited to me in her refined Liverpool accent as we sipped Australian wine.

My cousin’s hearty laugh and the resonation of it throughout the years and over state lines.

And yet there is much more. I am truly blessed.

I’d like to be, and be able to be less neglectful in the coming year.

I rang in the New Year with dear friends. And ended up dancing with  a stranger. A little girl with wavy locks the color of caramel and a dress that sparkled like fireworks as she spun and spun like a top that had no way of stopping.

And a strong little bear hug and kiss on the cheek from her before she scooted off into the balmy night.

Happy New Year, everyone.

Girl-Twirling

Photo courtesy of veganfashionblog.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Repetitive Thoughts= Birth of Creativity or Insanity?

If I wrote the same thing over and over would it start to somehow make sense? Would what I really want to write, what is in there as far as fiction is concerned, finally make its appearance?

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It is very difficult for me to find the time to write most weekdays and some weekends. But with this week off for Thanksgiving/Fall break I have actually had the time and have sat down every single morning to create.

It’s not that I am unhappy with what I’ve written. Not at all. I would just love that itch of writing fiction again to be scratched. But it’s been so long I don’t know quite how to start.

I don’t want to go all insane like Jack.

So I’ll just have this slightly embarrassing blog talk to anyone who happens to read. Thanks for listening.

All work and no play……

 

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Gratitude Unbounded

 

A swollen heart
full of everything
the universe has brought

I give gratitude by the lake
by the sea
under the full harvest moon

I give gratitude unbounded
today

Immense thankfulness for

The late autumn wind
tickling worn tree branches
Glistening sunlight
highlighting the hibiscus

Ocean swells
and the pleasure it brings
to my ears
as does the morning birdsong
A delightful symphony

The comfort of a safe haven
The calm serenity of inner peace
Hands for work and art
Movement to travel and see

Forgiveness
Health
Self love and acceptance
Love within and without
Courage
Happiness
A good steward for the universe

And you

I am thankful for you
each one of you

In the way you have touched
my soul
In the way you were brought
into this world
In the way I will carry you
in my heart
forever.

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