June 18, 2016 · 11:10 am

The Colors of Summer

We bought a new float yesterday. It’s a blow-up surf board with a tiki image in aqua blue, coral, sunshine yellow, and grass green. It smells like fresh plastic-coated fun. It smells like summer vacation.

There’s a slight tug at my stomach, a nagging to make sure to fit everything one can possibly fit in this time off. My boy is 12. Is this his last childhood summer before he starts getting all teen-agy?

I want to relish in every freckled smile. Every swish of a hand in pool water. Every lazy snuggle. Every moment spent lingering over breakfast when during the school year it’s rush rush rush.

I took an assistant teaching job for many reasons, number one being so I could be on my son’s schedule and enjoy some of his days off with him just like my mother and father did with me.

This time is more precious than gold. More fleeting than the speed of a hummingbird’s wing.

I hear the snap of Nerf guns coming from his bedroom and the goofy chatter between him and his good friend. We will take the new float out again today. The five bucks spent on it will more than pay for itself in laughter and memories.

I like looking around the house and seeing the float, the beach towels, the pizza box from last night’s sleepover feast. A myriad of colors representing all that summer has and should stand for.

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What do your summer colors look like? If you could accomplish one thing this summer, what would it be?

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May 22, 2016 · 10:09 am

Time, exxasperated

To the brink of tears over this devilish concept time
yet it is as concrete as mathematical equations
(perhaps a parallel universe where time actually does stand still exists)

Live in the moment we say to our ADD brains
and sometimes we do
These days it does not compute

The clock is spinning and there is a lump in my throat,
heaviness in my heart
from all these sunrises and sunsets seemingly happening within seconds of each other

And I am not getting younger
and neither are you

I don’t like it like this

I need space and freedom and time
time to just sit with you
and watch the tops of the trees
time to breathe
to just be.

clocks

image courtesy of pretzellogic.org

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May 15, 2016 · 9:59 am

My Keanu Reeves Dream

For years I’ve had a recurring dream starring Keanu Reeves.

In the dream I am trying to get to him, trying to get his attention. We are usually surrounded by people at some event. They crowd around him like a Kool blockade I can’t quite permeate.

Who are these seemingly so important people keeping him engaged in their uppity conversation when all I want to do is have him glance in my direction so he can be lured by my humble eyes and kind smile?

I wake up feeling failed and lost. Once again, he doesn’t come to me. Doesn’t even look my way. There are no engaging exchange of words between us. No hand on shoulder. No walking off into the sunset.

Until last night. And the one a few months ago.

He finally looked away from his entourage long enough to see me among the bloodsuckers. He smiled at me. We danced like goofy kids underneath a string of glowing white party lights.

Last night we actually talked. We laughed like old friends catching up after too many years apart. And we embraced just the same.

I woke up with a happy, peaceful smile underneath the crisp bed sheets.

Dreams are the brain’s way of disecting our waking problems, make sense of them and problem solve. Although sometimes in their wake we are left feeling more confused.

Maybe Keanu represents my self-confidence. And now I am finally gaining ownership of it. Maybe he represents my fears and how I’ve begun to face and live with/overcome many of them. Or maybe Keanu just represents himself because I’ve had a celebrity crush on him since 1988.

Either way it was so refreshing to wake up feeling the happy ending to a too-long unresolved story. And being hugged by Keanu Reeves was pretty freakin excellent.

Reeves, Keanu

Keanu Reeves Hollywood 12/2000 By Armando Gallo

 

Do you have any recurring dreams? What are your interpretations? I’d love to hear your story…

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May 2, 2016 · 10:31 pm

In the Quiet of the Evening

In the quiet
the quiet of the solitary evening
my ears are laid to rest

I do not have the usual music playing
to remind me
to excite
to awaken
to inspire me

Instead there is stillness
a slight hum from the motherboard
a distant helicopter buzzing east

I cup my left ear to hear the sounds in the proposed silence
and they are magnified
almost sound as if a hundred crickets are singing me to sleep

This absence of noise is welcome
my ears need a break
my mind needs space
my heart needs to feel, ache, mend, hope.

 

 

 

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April 27, 2016 · 10:08 pm

Quiet Symphony of Spring

The loquat buds are ready to greet their buzzing partners
and the crows have taken over the birdsong symphony

A sheath of grey pink cloud hovers over the bright white sunrise
Remnants from last night’s rush of spring rain fall from the branches like tears down a round cheek

A scattering of soaked leaves plastered to the ground

The lounge chair moved to view a sunset days ago

For a moment time holds still
No work to bind
no nagging unfolded
frustration at bay

A bud of hope in this heart
that I may again relish the sunset with you
and awake in your embrace
on the crest of a slow-moving sunrise.

 

I wrote this a month ago. But it seems silly to leave it in my drafts section. I hope you enjoy and take/feel something from it. How do you feel this spring?

 

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March 30, 2016 · 7:07 am

The Dark Chasms

I have walked away from the dark chasms
have left them behind
I kick them away from my mind
when their dark entrance beckons me to enter
I cannot hesitate for a moment
there is no place for me there
These shadows of misery
are just beyond the green grasses
like a hideous painting
hanging above the kitchen table
Like the whispers of voices from inside
that are not your own
Tear-soaked pillows, shattered porcelain
and torn photographs strewn about its
cavernous corners
Every day unvisited
a growth of heavy underbrush overtakes
the jutted opening
A sign from the Light
The slow decay of the dark.

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March 26, 2016 · 2:23 pm

Fearless

When the blank screen stares back at you poker-faced, Daily Prompt to the rescue…

Fearless.

I won’t say I am completely fearless or fearful. Although there was a time when I was so fearful to get out in the world I had to psyche myself up just to go into the grocery store.

I felt I would pass out or embarrassingly yell out random explicatives under the blinding fluorescent lighting and rows and rows of strangers and stacked food products.

When I was younger I was afraid to swim in murky water, be it lakes or oceans. All I could think of were the snakes and sharks and piranha that might be gliding by, waiting to pierce the flesh of my feet.

And I have never quite gotten over my fear of diving. The time in the Mediterranean sea when I lost my bikini top pretty much robbed me of ever going head first into water.

Flying was a real chore for a number of years. And public speaking? I’d rather slice my toe and pour hot sauce all over it.

So I guess you’d say I have a number of fears lurking underneath. Most I have either conquered or learned to deal with.

Two weeks ago I went to Busch Gardens, a zoo/theme park which boasts some of the most thrilling coasters in the country. I hadn’t been on one in years. Back in my teens and twenties I rode any state fair ride that rolled off the highway. As the years went by my equilibrium and necessity for survival kept me from enjoying them anymore.

With a little liquid encouragement and the desire to make memories impress my now thrill-seeking little boo, I went on some of the craziest rides ever. I screamed like a little girl being chased by swarms of wasps.

I loved it.

There’s one that rises 335 feet, rotates and dangles you facing the ground below, then drops. I rode that one twice.

I never want to live in fear. Fear is paralyzing. Fear disables meaningful life experiences and the rush that comes with it.

Of course we don’t want to be stupid. I wear my seatbelt. I floss. I look both ways before crossing the street.

But swimming in the ocean, flying to see a close relative, watching my almost 12-year-old look at me with happiness and pride– those are things I will not let fear steal from me.

What are your fears? Do you have some you have painstakingly overcome? I’d love to hear your story…

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/fearless/

falconsfury

 Photo courtesy of YouTube.com

 

 

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February 20, 2016 · 10:02 am

Get the Balance Right

Is it possible to ever get the balance right? Things are off-kilter, ignored, put off, unattainable at the moment, time the ever opponent. My perfectionist personality does not help. Failure is no longer an option and neither is guilt or self-deprecation. It is what it is. And I’m sorry to those of you I have not connected with lately.

Eighteen hours a day working, sleeping, prepping for the two. Which leaves six for chores, errands, food prep, quality time with little Boo, exercise, meditation/prayer/gratitude, and personal hygiene/beauty. So what has fallen by the wayside? Writing. Creating. Connecting with friends and family. Shaving.

And I’m a horrible phone person. I rarely pick up the phone. I have been reprimanded about this at various times. I don’t love the phone. I can’t read the lips of the person speaking on the other line. Can’t see their body language. Hell sometimes can’t hear what they are saying. And because of the demands of life I am a multi-tasker (like so many of us these days). It is easier to have conversations via text with several people at the same time while doing the laundry, dishes, hitting the can. But yes I am fully aware that an uninterrupted phone conversation is important. And I am calling my mom as soon as I finish this.

I made time to catch the sunset on the beach twice this week. It had been too long. Today I am writing. Tomorrow I will catch up with an old friend.

When little Boo was a baby I knew that phase of our lives would be fleeting. There were days that were long and filled with crying and poop, but in between those moments were the giggles and cuddles and chubby legs learning to walk. Now that baby is almost as tall as me and it happened in the swish of a horse’s tail.

I am forever grateful that I am able to see him daily as I assistant teach in his classroom. This will be a year looked upon with great pride and nostalgia when he is out of my daily sights and starting his own career and path in life.

So when I think about all the things I can’t seem to find the time or energy to accomplish I need to cut myself a freaking break. We do what we can.

I was alone when I viewed this spectacular sunset. Now let’s watch it together : )

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Taken with iPhone 5, west coast FL, no editing.

 

 

 

 

 

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January 18, 2016 · 11:02 am

What the Train Conductor Say

I pump the pedals of my bicycle
along the paved trail
where once were train tracks

Sunshine gleaming through trees
and the wind at my neck

I have spent miles and miles here
But today I hear those locomotive engines
and the words from the train conductor
at the helm of his mighty craft:

“Sometimes it get lonely out here
so I seek the solace of my position.
For I am not really alone.

I see the backs of these shops and houses
I see the side that is hidden away from view.
I get a glimpse of the back door, the fruit trees
ready to bear their tropical seeds, mothers and daughters
hanging clothes on the line to dry in the sunshine.

I see men tending to gardens
and boys playing chase.

When they hear the horn in the distance
sometimes they crawl outta their sheds.
Some of them pay no mind.
Some of them wave and smile and go on about their business.

But some of them got no smile on their face.
They want to jump right on the train
and go far far away.
Those are the ones that show me their soul.
And all I can do is leave a billow of coal smoke
to remind them of hope.”

And that is what the train conductor say.

I pedal and pedal
along these old tracks
feeling the cool wind
and the heat of yesterday

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Photo courtesy of me: JeniferBPhotography

 

 

 

 

 

 

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January 8, 2016 · 10:03 pm

Love Does That

Love does that

It waits in the bushes, the forest, the manor, the hallway when you least expect it. 

It comes at you with piercing eyes

And wanton looks and breathlessness

And a spark of hope

And fullness in your chest

And tingling in your nether regions

A blossoming flower ready to unfold and provide nectar for the searching bee

It takes hold of you and reminds you there is nothing else more powerful or intoxicating in this world

It ravishes 

Ravages

Encapsulates 

Fulfills

Exasperates

Then when the daylight comes round again

Leaves you caressing every grass blade, branch, feather

Hoping to recreate at least one moment of it

And that is when you are trapped

Bound

Encased

Obsessed

Found

By love

Even when at last there is silence

And comfortable loneliness

It wouldn’t take but one moment of this

And there you are again

Because this is what your heart wants, needs, searches for 

Even when it is not searching. 

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